Surrender

So, this is my third post this evening within a span of about 10-20 minutes, but I feel like God is laying this topic on my heart: Surrender.

        While I was in that storm this evening, I had a moment where I had to surrender. It was almost like I didn't even have a choice in the matter. My old self was scrambling for a way out, but my soul would have none of it. I may have physically been standing up, but my soul was on its knees. I think it still might be there as I'm typing this.
        Surrender is a hard thing to come to terms with if you haven't been in a place of surrender consistently. I hate to say it, but I have not been in a place of surrender consistently as of late. There have been times of course where God has touched me through others, and has used me to touch others lives, but the thing is that God uses us wherever we are spiritually; the magnitude of how he can use us though is dependant on how willing we are to surrender. (I'm not sure if this is "air-tight" theology as it were, but I feel like this is the best way to say what I'm trying to communicate). So, of course, I have been used by God out of his grace and mercy, and not by anything that I can do on my own, but at the same time, I feel almost empty inside as a result of not being completely surrendered to him when he is trying to do a good work through me. Surrender may be hard, but it is vital.
        Like I said before, as I stood in the storm, I felt like my soul was kneeling on the ground with its hands raised, the palms facing down. I felt compelled to drop everything that I was holding on to so tightly and give it all over to God. It's a hard thing to do. But I feel like God has orchestrated my life over the past few months to get me into a place where I have no other choice but to give up. I feel like I was so in over my head with so many things that God had to metaphorically slap me upside the head and say "Wake up!", which is weird considering I have had some amazing opportunities to rest in God's peace over the last few months as well.
        All of this to say that God has backed me into a corner of surrender, and actually, there is no other place I'd rather be right now. For some people, God has to let them get to the very end of their rope in order for his truth and his love to pervade their lives. I'm so glad he caught me when he did, because I would not want to get to the very lowest place I could go and have to climb all the way back up to where I started again. I would much rather start where I am with God's love and peace to minister to me, as well as good friends and the Body of Christ to come alongside me as my family. Surrender is hard, but it can be the best feeling in the world when you finally surrender yourself to God.